Have you ever heard this one? Pretty is as pretty does, or beauty
is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone? Well, we all have,
and it used to make me want to scream! When you are a young
girl, and all the world is judging you by the way you look, you tend
to hide a bit from the scrutiny.
I thought that was grossly unfair, for all this talk of beauty within, I
just wanted it without.
Looking in the mirror, I would judge every flaw and try to cover all the
imperfections. The day I found makeup, was a pivotal day for me.
And so became my obsession with the canvas of my face. I did
have an artistic bent, and this was my way of expressing myself.
On to the day with Cover Girl! The irony of that name fully noticed
by me.
Never would I leave the house without my "face" on. I envied
Jane Jetson for her space age, go through the machine, daily
routine. So quickly was she ready to make an appearance. I
would agonize for an hour or so. Checking mirrors and downtown
plate glass windows, to make sure I was presentable. Nothing
out of place to make me stand out and reap a rejection. What
was going on in my head that made me so acutely aware of me?
Conscious of myself, self consciousness, shyness. All terms that
speak of the outward residing so completely on the inside. How
many years did it take for you to be comfortable in your own skin?
The freedom I imagined it to bring was heady.
In my 20's I met an older woman who became a "mother" to me.
She was such a beauty! Even with all the lines of life and the
crinkles around her eyes. I loved that dear woman. She had this
youthful giggle and always a smile playing at the edge of her lips.
She had lived and suffered and loved and now became my mentor.
When I confided my obsession with having to look perfect all the
time, including the hating of my picture taken, or a glance of my
reflection, which always made me think, is that really me? She
responded with this.
"Sandy, when you look in the mirror, from now on, I want you to
say out loud to yourself, 'Thank you God, for the gift of beauty'".
Oooookay I said, thinking to myself, where did she come up with
this stuff? But, wonder of wonders I listened to her. She always
gave such good advice, and she had a good track record with me,
so why not? Even though I felt so foolish talking to myself in
the mirror!
Over the course of time, a transformation occurred. It was so slight,
it was not noticed till the work was done. One day while getting
ready, I just looked at myself and thought, you know, I accept
you! I cannot pick you apart anymore! My skin became my
home, not just a house. It was the nicest feeling I have ever
had. To be comfortable with me.
A wonderful freedom came to me that day, one I have had to
keep up with, since I am a "home" owner now. The within
became the without and it was good! As I became less aware
of my imperfections, less conscious of myself, I became more
fully me. Now those phrases I always heard and hated
became the truth. I believe I was lit from within during this
transformation time. People even came up to me and said,
"There's something different about you". Now there was the
proof of the pudding!
I like the me I am now, granted, I have my days. But I accept
who God made me to be. In loving myself, I can truly and
openly love others in my life better. This was no selfish act,
it was the most loving thing I could do. God doesn't make junk.
is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone? Well, we all have,
and it used to make me want to scream! When you are a young
girl, and all the world is judging you by the way you look, you tend
to hide a bit from the scrutiny.
I thought that was grossly unfair, for all this talk of beauty within, I
just wanted it without.
Looking in the mirror, I would judge every flaw and try to cover all the
imperfections. The day I found makeup, was a pivotal day for me.
And so became my obsession with the canvas of my face. I did
have an artistic bent, and this was my way of expressing myself.
On to the day with Cover Girl! The irony of that name fully noticed
by me.
Never would I leave the house without my "face" on. I envied
Jane Jetson for her space age, go through the machine, daily
routine. So quickly was she ready to make an appearance. I
would agonize for an hour or so. Checking mirrors and downtown
plate glass windows, to make sure I was presentable. Nothing
out of place to make me stand out and reap a rejection. What
was going on in my head that made me so acutely aware of me?
Conscious of myself, self consciousness, shyness. All terms that
speak of the outward residing so completely on the inside. How
many years did it take for you to be comfortable in your own skin?
The freedom I imagined it to bring was heady.
In my 20's I met an older woman who became a "mother" to me.
She was such a beauty! Even with all the lines of life and the
crinkles around her eyes. I loved that dear woman. She had this
youthful giggle and always a smile playing at the edge of her lips.
She had lived and suffered and loved and now became my mentor.
When I confided my obsession with having to look perfect all the
time, including the hating of my picture taken, or a glance of my
reflection, which always made me think, is that really me? She
responded with this.
"Sandy, when you look in the mirror, from now on, I want you to
say out loud to yourself, 'Thank you God, for the gift of beauty'".
Oooookay I said, thinking to myself, where did she come up with
this stuff? But, wonder of wonders I listened to her. She always
gave such good advice, and she had a good track record with me,
so why not? Even though I felt so foolish talking to myself in
the mirror!
Over the course of time, a transformation occurred. It was so slight,
it was not noticed till the work was done. One day while getting
ready, I just looked at myself and thought, you know, I accept
you! I cannot pick you apart anymore! My skin became my
home, not just a house. It was the nicest feeling I have ever
had. To be comfortable with me.
A wonderful freedom came to me that day, one I have had to
keep up with, since I am a "home" owner now. The within
became the without and it was good! As I became less aware
of my imperfections, less conscious of myself, I became more
fully me. Now those phrases I always heard and hated
became the truth. I believe I was lit from within during this
transformation time. People even came up to me and said,
"There's something different about you". Now there was the
proof of the pudding!
I like the me I am now, granted, I have my days. But I accept
who God made me to be. In loving myself, I can truly and
openly love others in my life better. This was no selfish act,
it was the most loving thing I could do. God doesn't make junk.
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