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Are You An Emotional Sponge?

ARE YOU AN EMOTIONAL SPONGE?

Being a good listener is part of maintaining healthy and strong relationships. But what happens when your act of empathy starts taking a toll on your well-being, as you absorb other people’s concerns and negativity? Are you an emotional sponge?

Is your boyfriend or friend sapping positivity out of you? Or perhaps a parent or colleague instead? The thing is feeling a burden of another is not just confined to romantic relationships; it can also be a friend who can’t stop complaining about her life or a colleague who does nothing but bitch all day about the boss.

Soaking it up

Psychologists have a name for this – emotional sponge. Clinical psychologist Dr Amie Ragan describes an emotional sponge as “someone who engages in the act of soaking up what other people throw at you without ever questioning whether or not you need, want or deserve it.” The easy way to look at it? Imagine yourself as a dry sponge soaking and lapping up all the negativity that surrounds you. And like a sponge, who knows how much you can soak and when you will actually stop before you drown in all that negativity?

According to research psychology Dr Elaine Aron, author of the book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, one out of five individuals are considered highly sensitive and therefore prone to becoming emotional sponges. Which is why it is not easy to dispel compassion and empathy when dealing with someone who’s had a bad day. While you proudly tell your friends how you can spot immediately if your partner is in a good or foul mood, you may want to think a bout the repercussion of this mind-reading ability and what it could do to your emotional and sometimes physical health. When it comes to being the supportive and compassionate individual, your natural intuition and feminine traits of wanting to nurture could very well be a bane.

Complaints after complaints are usually from women who are overwhelmed with emotions simply because they are too empathetic. They feel every bit of the pain when their partner is unhappy. A friend is feeling vulnerable and they can’t help but think how completely hopeless they are on what to do for the friend. Like the emotional sponges that they are, over-empathetic women pick up on the negativity, leading to them taking on the burdens of others onto their own shoulders as well. Says John T. Cacioppo, director of the Centre for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago and co-author of Emotional Contagion, the brain’s “mirror neurons” are to be blamed for this, as these neurons react to other’s actions and intentions, especially when it is someone you care about, hence the contagious emotions.

Too much empathy?

Empathy is a beautiful thing and it is what brings one closer to another, especially in trying times. But the thing to ask is this: how much can you really handle without letting it affect you? Is there such a thing as caring too much? Can being a rock crush you instead? Health experts say yes. “Hyper-empathizing can lead to real problems for it’s sufferers because individuals are rarely taught how to handle their ability to acutely read other people’s feelings,” says Susan Quilliam, relationship psychologist and author of several self-help books. “We notice negative emotion, interpret it, feel with it – and get overcome by it, then we rush round trying to make the other person feel better because until they do, we will continue to feel bad too.” What this does is increase you stress level, bringing you down and making you feel tired, as if you are the one with the problems.

If the tables are reversed on those who over-share their problems, the consequences are bad too. A 2007 study done by the Department of Psychological Sciences at the University of Missouri-Columbia found that when young girls obsessively share their problems with other, they anxiety levels increased.

Researchers said that dwelling on problems “probably made them feel sad and more hopeless” because they turned their focus entirely on the problem. Another study by Washington State University showed that heart bypass patients with neurotic and anxious spouses were more likely to be depressed 18 months after their surgery, regardless of their personality prior to the surgery.

So is the only cure for this emotional mirroring cold hard apathy and staying away from friends who over-share? Will you have to edit your friends who shut out your partner when he needs you the most? There is no denying that being empathetic is human instinct, as psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen will tell you. His research states that the female brain is more sensitive to picking up on the feelings of others, interpreting them and responding to them. But this link with how the brain works doesn’t mean you are stuck with being an emotional sponge. Not especially if you learn the art of empathy management.

“Become aware of when you become overwhelmed with other people’s emotions – and take a step back. If necessary, spend some quiet time alone,” advices Quilliam. “Make a real distinction between noticing that someone is unhappy, and having to do anything about that. Just because you empathize with their unhappiness, it doesn’t mean you must solve it.”

Also, step out of the role of being a rescuer. Women tend to do too much and try too hard, and innately this becomes a problem when dealing with someone who is down all the time. “Show empathy but resist offering solutions. Be supportive but tell your friend or partner, ‘I’m confident you’ll find the right solution’ or sensitively suggest that they seek a qualified professional for help.” says Orloff.

At the end of the day, remember that you have to take care of yourself first. This selfish but essential practice helps when dealing with emotional vampires and will certainly save you hours from brooding over someone else’s problems. And don’t just focus on the bad; why not seek out those who are feeling good all the time? Let another’s optimism rub off on you, and who knows, being an emotional sponge may just pay off after all. 

Do You Give or Take in Relationships?

Quiz

DO YOU GIVE OR TAKE IN RELATIONSHIPS?

1. Do you donate a part of your income to charity:

a. Never

b. Rarely

c. Regularly

2. When you’re out shopping, do you buy small presents for others as a surprise:

a. Yes

b. No

c. Sometimes

3. When it comes to making a decision with your partner about where to go on a holiday or what to do at the weekend, do you:

a. Usually get your on way

b. Leave it entirely to your partner

c. Make a joint decision where possible

4. When you find out your neighbors are ill, do you:

a. Send them a “Get Well Soon” card

b. Make a meal and take it to them

c. Keep meaning to visit when you can

5. Do you get upset if you don’t always get your own way or are not given first choice:

a. Sometimes

b. Always

c. Never

6. At the end of a hard day, when somebody comes and talks to you about their problems, would you lend them a sympathetic ear:

a. Probably

b. Not if I’m tired

c. Yes

7. Do you feel that other people tend to take advantage of your good nature and kindness:

a. No

b. Yes

c. Sometimes

8. Do you fell that the things you do for other people should be reciprocated by them:

a. It would be nice occasionally

b. Not at all

c. Yes

9. When you do a friend a favor, are you hurt when she does not thank you or show any gratitude:

a. No, it doesn’t bother me

b. Yes, but not many people say thanks these days

c. It can hurt if I have really put myself out for them

10. If one of your colleagues makes a mistake at work, would you cover up for him?

a. Yes

b. It depends on how serious the mistake is

c. No

HOW TO SCORE

1.   (a)1 (b)2 (c)3

2.   (a)3 (b)1 (c)2

3.   (a)1 (b)3 (c)2

4.   (a)2 (b)3 (c)1

5.   (a)2 (b)1 (c)3

6.   (a)2 (b)1 (c)3

7.   (a)3 (b)1 (c)2

8.   (a)2 (b)3 (c)1

9.   (a)3 (b)1 (c)2

10. (a)3 (b)2 (c)1

CHECK YOUR POINTS RATING:

10-16

It’s all take and no give in your relationships. If you attempted to be more generous and put yourself out there a little you could be pleasantly surprised by the rewarding reactions of other people towards you.

17-23

You are about average when it comes to giving and taking in relationships. You have a healthy balance and believe that as you give, you receive. But don’t think of “give and take” as being a bargain. Giving is pleasurable – and sometimes the reward is somebody’s happy face.

24-30

There is such a thing as giving too much. It’s not a bad fault, but if you’re honest, you must often feel you are being taken advantage of. Remember that it’s perfectly fine to say “no” every once in awhile. Always saying “yes” can sometimes create more problems, both at home and at work. 

PRAY Justin B.

Ohh Ohh Ohh .. and I pray
I just cant sleep tonight.
Knowing that things aint right.
Its in the papers, its on the tv, its everywhere that I go.
Children are crying.
Soldiers are dying
Some people don't have a home
But I know there's sunshine behind that rain
I know there's good times behind that pain, hey
Can you tell me how I can make a change
I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and pray
I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and pray

I lose my appetite, knowing kids starve tonight.
And when I sit up, cause my dinner is still on my plate.
Ooo I got a vision, to make a difference.
And its starting today.

Cause I know there's sunshine behind that rain
I know there's good times behind that pain, hey
Haven`t tell me how I can make a change
I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and pray
I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray
For the broken-hearted.
I pray for the life not started
I pray for all the ones not breathing.
I pray for all the souls in need.
I pray. Can you give em one today.
I just cant sleep tonight
Can someone tell how to make a change?

I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and pray
I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and I pray

I pray ..

I close my eyes and pray ..

DEAN ART !!

LOVIN' IT !!

The Making Of A Mother

By the time the Lord made mothers, He was into the sixth day working overtime.  An Angel  appeared and said "Why are you spending so much  time on this one?" And the Lord answered and  said, "Have you read the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not elastic; have 200 movable parts, all replaceable; run on black coffee and leftovers; have a lap that can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she stands up; have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart; and have six pairs of hands."

The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs of hands! No way!"  said the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem.  It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!" 

"And that's on the standard model?" the Angel asked.

The Lord nodded in agreement, "Yep, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can. And the third pair are here in the front of her head.  They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves him or her without even saying a single word."

The Angel tried to stop the Lord  "This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I can't!" The Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself  when she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower." 

The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?" asked the Angel. 

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate."

The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like You have a leak with this model. I told You that You were trying to put too much into  this one."

"That's not a leak." the Lord objected.  "That's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the Angel asked. 

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."  

The Angel was impressed.  "You are a genius, Lord.  You thought of everything for this one.  You even created the tear!"

The Lord looked at the Angel and smiled and said, "I'm afraid you are wrong again.  I created the woman, but she created the tear!"

INSPIRATIONAL STORY: A BOX FULL OF KISSES (with terjemahan)

The story goes that some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said, "This is for you, Daddy."

The man was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found out the box was empty. He yelled at her, stating, "Don't you know, when you give someone a present, there is supposed to be something inside? The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and cried, "Oh, Daddy, it's not empty at all. I blew kisses into the box. They're all for you, Daddy."

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness.

Only a short time later, an accident took the life of the child. It is also told that her father kept that gold box by his bed for many years and, whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each one of us, as humans beings, have been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses... from our children, family members, friends, and God. There is simply no other possession, anyone could hold, more precious than this.

 TERJEMAHAN INDONESIA:
"Cerita berlanjut bahwa beberapa waktu lalu, seorang pria putrinya dihukum 3 tahun untuk membuang gulungan kertas pembungkus emas. Uang sulitdan ia menjadi marah ketika anak mencoba untuk menghias kotak untuk diletakkan di bawah pohon Natal. Namun demikian, gadis kecil membawa hadiah untuk ayahnya keesokan harinya dan berkata, "Ini untukmu, Ayah."
Orang itu malu dengan reaksi berlebihan sebelumnya, tapi kemarahannya menyala lagi ketika ia menemukan kotak itu kosong. Dia berteriak padanya, menyatakan, "Jangan kau tahu, ketika Anda memberikan seseorang hadiah, ada seharusnya sesuatu di dalam? Si gadis kecil menatap dia dengan air mata di matanya dan menangis," Oh, Ayah, itu tidak kosong sama sekali. Aku meniup ciuman ke dalam kotak. Mereka semua untuk Anda, Daddy. "
Ayah itu hancur. Dia memeluk gadis kecilnya, dan ia memohon maaf padanya.
Hanya waktu yang singkat kemudian, kecelakaan mengambil hidup anak itu. Hal ini juga mengatakan bahwa ayahnya terus yang kotak emas dengan tempat tidurnya selama bertahun-tahun dan, setiap kali dia putus asa, ia akan mengambil sebuah imajiner ciuman dan mengingat kasih dari anak yang telah menaruhnya di sana.
Dalam arti yang sangat nyata, masing-masing dari kita, sebagai makhluk manusia, telah diberikan sebuah wadah emas yang penuh dengan cinta tanpa syarat dan ciuman ... dari anak-anak kita, anggota keluarga, teman, dan Tuhan. Tidak hanya ada kepemilikan lain, siapa saja bisa memegang, lebih berharga dari ini."

How to Know if You Love Someone - Simple yet Powerful Ways to Find Out

Most people have this feeling inside them but are not sure whether it is simple affection, a crush or maybe love. Well love is a lot more stronger word than simple affection and attraction towards someone. Love involves much more than what you find in simple attraction towards someone. Read on to find out some of the simple yet powerful ways to find out whether you love someone or not.
You're happy when your partner is? - If you feel joy when your partner is happy and just a mere smile or his/her face gives you happiness than you are definitely in love with that person. Love is all about feeling one with your partner therefore you tend to enjoy all joys, lovely moments, moments of satisfaction with your partner.
You don't mind public affection? - Do you often hold hands in public - maybe kiss or hug? If this is the case than you might be in love with your partner. Normally most couples don't prefer showing much public affection until and unless they are in love.
Caring like family- Do you care for your partner just as you care for your family? And get sad when your partner is sad or maybe get happy when you partner is? Love is all about caring and sharing. And if you treat your partner just like you treat your family than you are definitely in love.
You feel like being an open book- When you love someone you feel like being an open book and tend to share some of your biggest secret which you would never even share with your closest of friends. Love makes you surrender totally and you feel like pouring your heart out.
You talk without getting bored - Mostly when it's just a mere crush or attraction you would easily get bored after a while. Everything would just seem boring and you would not feel like carrying on any more. But when you are in love you would always have something to talk about, it would never get boring no matter how long and how much you talk.
You would sacrifice- This is the best way to find out whether you are in love or not. If you are ready to sacrifice something for your partners comfort then you are definitely in love. Love is all about sacrifices and compromises and if you are truly in love you would not mind being committed and making sacrifices for the one you love.

What Guys want in a Girl

Everyone knows what a guy is supposed to want in a girlfriend: a soul mate, a best friend, blah, blah, blah. But I'm going to let you in on a little-known fact: Those are all great concepts, but there are other, more real qualities guys secretly want in a girlfriend — ones that nobody ever tells you about. They may seem like insignificant little details, but taken as a whole, these things can make a guy never, ever want to give you up.

1. DON'T LEAVE HIM GUESSING
Guessing is fun when it comes to game shows, but Howie Mandel can't help him when he's trying to figure out which movie you'd like to see or what you want for your birthday. I know you girls all wish we'd just get you enough to figure it out on our own, but the truth is, guys aren't great at reading subtle hints. So just tell your guy what you want — it will make your life easier, and he will be a lot less confused. If all you give him to go on is, "I'll watch anything," your guy will end up spending more time talking to Mr. Moviefone than he will hanging out with you!

2.KNOW WHEN IT'S OKAY TO LIE
Guys want you to be honest when it comes to important things, like whether you're dating him exclusively or how far you want to go physically. But when it comes to personal things that could be sore spots, like thinking his best friend is hot or hating his mom's cooking, he'd prefer that you tell a little white lie. You don't have to pretend to love his hideous new shirt, but you can just say something neutral, like, "It's okay. I like your green one better." Guys appreciate when girls have the heart not to needlessly hurt our feelings — because yes, we do have them!

3. PICK YOUR BATTLES
No relationship is perfect, and no two people are going to agree on everything. A great girlfriend doesn't let her pride stand in the way of letting her guy walk away from a silly argument at least thinking he got his point across (even if you still secretly disagree with him). If you're arguing about something important to you, like your religious beliefs, then stick to your guns. But little disagreements can snowball into big fights. And nothing is sadder than having a huge fight and breaking up because he doesn't think Grey's Anatomy rocks and you think it's awesome. McDreamy's just not worth it.

4. HUMOR HIM
Stupid as it may seem, guys get worked up about things like video games and sports. The best girlfriends realize that these things really mean something to guys and affect us on an emotional level. Think about how psyched you get when you score a great bag at a killer sale. It makes your day, right? That's how we feel when our team sinks a half-court buzzer beater. And it's nice to have a girl who'll cheer right along with us, whether or not she really cares what just happened.

5. GIVE HIM A BREAK
Girls will always be our main focus, but sometimes we just want to hang out with our friends. Guys are so used to being told what to do by our moms that we have it in our head that we'll need to beg our girlfriend's permission to see our buddies. So if your guy says, "I might hang out with the guys on Saturday night," and you reply, "Okay, have fun!" he'll think you're cool. And it'll make him want to hang out with you that much more next Saturday night!

All About Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber (born March 1, 1994 in Stratford, Ontario Canada) is a popular teenage singer. "One Time" is his most popular song. He grew up in Canada. When he was twelve, he appeared in a local singing contest called Stratford Idol. Bieber finished in second place. Bieber currently lives in Atlanta, Georgia, home of Usher. In 2009 he toured with Iyaz and Taylor Swift, and has traveled in the United States. His first album, My World, features four singles, "One Time", "One Less Lonely Girl", "Favorite Girl", and "Love Me". He signed to a record deal with Usher. He released My World, Part 2 in March 2010 as his second album,^[1] as well as going on a world tour. He has a younger brother and sister and his parents are divorced.

Bieber is releasing a book titled Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story^[2].

Discography

Albums

1. My World (2009)
2. My World 2.0 (2010)

Singles

1. One Time (2009)
2. One Less Lonely Girl (2009)
3. Baby (2010); featuring Ludacris
4. Somebody to Love (2010); featuring Usher
5. Up (2010)
6. Never Say Never (2010)

References

1. ↑ Justin Bieber “My World” Part 2 On iTunes Soon!. Disney Dreaming. Retrieved on 25 February 2010.
2. ↑ http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/08/03/2010-08-03_justin_bieber_to_release_illustrated_book_not_memoir_im_a_little_too_young_to_wr.html

Websites

Justin Bieber's Official website
Justin Bieber Polish Blog

Synopsis Supernatural Season 6

SUPERNATURAL: Season six will be a season of mystery and shadow. Heaven and Hell have been left in complete disarray since the apocalyptic events of season five. And now, monsters, angels and demons roam across a lawless and chaotic landscape. And so Dean Winchester, who has retired from hunting and sworn never to return, finds himself being pulled back into his old life – pulled back by none other than Sam Winchester, who has escaped from Hell. The two reunite to beat back the rising tide of creatures and demon-spawn, but they quickly realize that neither are who they used to be, their relationship isn’t what it used to be, and that nothing is what it seems.

THE JUSTIN BIEBER LIE

Okay, I just want you all to know the news about the pedophile 51 year old Justin Bieber is just a parody made by the Onion News Network which isn't a real News Network anyway. If you just look at the video at YouTube it looks really fake anyway.

These anti-Biebers really get on my nerves. If you don't like him then just shut up and let us love him. 

Okay. thanks.

(I know this post is really stupid but so what)

The Gift of Beauty

Have you ever heard this one?  Pretty is as pretty does, or beauty
is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone?  Well, we all have,
and it used to make me want to scream!  When you are a young
girl, and all the world is judging you by the way you look, you tend
to hide a bit from the scrutiny. 
I thought that was grossly unfair, for all this talk of beauty within, I
just wanted it without.
Looking in the mirror, I would judge every flaw and try to cover all the
imperfections.  The day I found makeup, was a pivotal day for me.
And so became my obsession with the canvas of my face.  I did
have an artistic bent, and this was my way of expressing myself.
On to the day with Cover Girl!  The irony of that name fully noticed
by me.
Never would I leave the house without my "face" on.  I envied
Jane Jetson for her space age, go through the machine, daily
routine.  So quickly was she ready to make an appearance.  I
would agonize for an hour or so.  Checking mirrors and downtown
plate glass windows, to make sure I was presentable.  Nothing
out of place to make me stand out and reap a rejection.  What
was going on in my head that made me so acutely aware of me?
Conscious of myself, self consciousness, shyness.  All terms that
speak of the outward residing so completely on the inside.  How
many years did it take for you to be comfortable in your own skin?
The freedom I imagined it to bring was heady.
In my 20's I met an older woman who became a "mother" to me.
She was such a beauty!  Even with all the lines of life and the
crinkles around her eyes.  I loved that dear woman.  She had this
youthful giggle and always a smile playing at the edge of her lips.
She had lived and suffered and loved and now became my mentor.
When I confided my obsession with having to look perfect all the
time, including the hating of my picture taken, or a glance of my
reflection, which always made me think, is that really me?  She
responded with this.
"Sandy, when you look in the mirror, from now on, I want you to
say out loud to yourself, 'Thank you God, for the gift of beauty'". 
Oooookay I said, thinking to myself, where did she come up with
this stuff?  But, wonder of wonders I listened to her.  She always
gave such good advice, and she had a good track record with me,
so why not?  Even though I felt so foolish talking to myself in
the mirror!
Over the course of time, a transformation occurred.  It was so slight,
it was not noticed till the work was done.  One day while getting
ready, I just looked at myself and thought, you know, I accept
you!  I cannot pick you apart anymore!  My skin became my
home, not just a house.  It was the nicest feeling I have ever
had.  To be comfortable with me.
A wonderful freedom came to me that day, one I have had to
keep up with, since I am a "home" owner now.  The within
became the without and it was good!  As I became less aware
of my imperfections, less conscious of myself, I became more
fully me.  Now those phrases I always heard and hated
became the truth.  I believe I was lit from within during this
transformation time.  People even came up to me and said,
"There's something different about you".  Now there was the
proof of the pudding!
I like the me I am now, granted, I have my days.  But I accept
who God made me to be.  In loving myself, I can truly and
openly love others in my life better.  This was no selfish act,
it was the most loving thing I could do.  God doesn't make junk.

Introducing ME

Hi! My name is Kiky, I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Thanks for stopping by and please comment.

Lotsa luvv, Kiky.